Do This to Help Kids Avoid the Back-to-School Comparison Trap

Your kid opens their lunchbox, pulls out the sandwich you packed with care… and freezes. Across the table, their friend is unpacking sushi rolls, a thermos of miso soup, and mango cut into perfect little cubes. Suddenly, your sandwich is “gross,” your kid is embarrassed and lunch is less about eating and more about keeping up.

This kind of moment might seem small, but for today’s kids, social comparison is at an all-time high. Studies show that nearly nine in ten Gen Z youth say comparisons on social media make them feel worse about themselves, and Gen Alpha is facing these pressures even earlier, thanks to a digital life that starts in toddlerhood. Back-to-school season doesn’t just mark a return to academics, it drops kids straight into a social ecosystem where belongings, appearance and even lunch can feel like silent status updates.

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Why It Feels Big to Them

It’s not just about sushi vs. a sandwich, it’s about social belonging. The first weeks of school often act as a social reset: kids face new classes, shifting peer groups and changing relationships, which heighten their sensitivity to comparison. As Dr. Rachel Busman explains, when the social support system changes, like a friend moving classes, anxiety spikes and even small differences feel amplified.

How to Help: Evidence-Backed Strategies

• Anchor in routine. Jeremy Pettit, a child anxiety expert, notes that predictable schedules and small rituals help kids feel secure, especially during transitions. And, research shows that pre-school visits or orientations can help ease anxiety.
• Help kids name what they’re feeling. The Kids Mental Health Foundation says that kids who can recognize their emotions in the moment are better able to communicate and cope with what they’re feeling. You can help kids identify their emotions by connecting the dots between a facial expression or behavior and a feeling. For example, you might say, “I hear your voice getting louder—you sound frustrated,” or “I see you pulling away, maybe you’re feeling sad.” This helps show that there are signs that can tell us how we’re feeling in the moment.
• Teach comfort with uncertainty. As parents, we like schedules, information and game plans, but unfortunately, there’s a lot of uncertainty in life. Clinical social worker Lynn Lyons says that parents of elementary-aged school children can start helping them build resilience by getting comfortable with not knowing what will happen next. She suggests starting conversations about the “mights and maybes” of life. Model that it’s okay not to know exactly how things will play out.
• Use gratitude as an antidote. Taking time out to be grateful is an excellent counter to those feelings of jealousy that can crop up for kids. Programs like the Berkeley Youth Gratitude Project found grateful kids had less envy, depression and materialism—and more hope and engagement. Set aside a bit of family time ahead of the first day of school to make a list of great memories from the summer—and things you and your kids are grateful for. And, you can use this as an ongoing practice, setting aside time to jot a few things down in a gratitude journal each week.
• Model healthy comparison. Kids take their cues from how you handle feeling “less than.” If you only focus on what others have, they learn to measure themselves the same way. Instead, share times you’ve felt out of place but found your footing. For example: “When I joined my new hiking group, everyone had fancy gear and I felt awkward in my old jacket. But once we got going, I realized my stamina and trail skills mattered way more than what I was wearing.” Stories like this show them that comparison is normal—but self-worth comes from strengths, values, and experiences, not matching someone else’s stuff.

The Bigger Picture

Sneaker envy, lunchbox drama, pencil-case dismay—these moments might seem trivial to adults, but they sit on top of a much bigger shift in how kids grow up. For older generations, comparison happened mostly at school or in the neighborhood. For Gen Z and Gen Alpha, it’s 24/7, amplified by group chats, highlight-reel social feeds and influencer culture that makes “perfect” feel like the standard.

That’s why these everyday moments matter. By taking them seriously, you’re not just helping your child survive a lunchroom embarrassment, you’re teaching them how to anchor their self-worth in something stronger than what they see on someone else’s feed. And in a world where comparison is unavoidable, that skill might be one of the most important things they ever learn.

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Photo credit: FangXiaNuo / Getty Images

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